I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
