if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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