Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
