Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
