Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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