I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
