the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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