Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
