Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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