you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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