I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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