If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
