??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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