I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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