he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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