okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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