Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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