doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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