You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
