i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
