Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
