i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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