Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
