She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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