OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
