I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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