Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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