Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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