Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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