false alarm. still invincible.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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