Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
