I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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