The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this boner is exhausting
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
