i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
