you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
