she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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