i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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