it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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