Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
