Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
