i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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