I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
