Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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