But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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