It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
