Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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