I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
