my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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