i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
