just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
