I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
