are you still at the devil's house?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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