Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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