got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
