Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
