I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
