somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
