I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
