Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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