did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
