I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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