so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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