That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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