it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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