You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
