I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
