im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
