he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
