It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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